Time and the art of slowing down

In this episode of Cupful, Justin and Kandace reflect on the concept of time and the fleeting nature of life. We contemplate what it means to live in the present moment and appreciate the small victories in life. We explore the difference in perception of time between children and adults, and the importance of maintaining a sense of childlike wonder. Join us as we navigate the complexities of time and strive to make the most out of each day.

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Transcript

[TRANSCRIPT]

0:00:00 - (Justin Tyler): What is time? And how can you better live in the moment? Today we're gonna be talking about that and more on the couple podcast. I am one of your hosts, Justin Tyler.

0:00:10 - (Kandace Tyler): And I am your other host, Kandace Tyler.

0:00:13 - (Justin Tyler): I'm not gonna cuss this time.

0:00:24 - (Kandace Tyler): What even is time?

0:00:26 - (Justin Tyler): What is time? So we've been. We're kind of at this time of the year where our. Our kids are getting done with school, and there's people that we know who are graduating and moving on to the next steps of their life, and things are just passing by very, very, very quickly. And we're talking about time a lot right now and just kind of, where the fuck is it going? And so we kind of wanted to sit down for a minute and talk about that here and kind of like, what even is time?

0:00:56 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah, what even is it? Whatever it is, it's been hurting my feelings.

0:01:01 - (Justin Tyler): It's been hurting your feelings? Are you feeling the time right now?

0:01:05 - (Kandace Tyler): I'm feeling the time, yeah. Just everywhere. I can see physical signs everywhere around me of time passing. One of the things that hurts my feelings the most lately is every morning I'll open the Facebook memories and I'll start to see, just year after year of, like, the kids photos during this time last year or six years ago or eight years ago or ten years ago. And now that they're getting older and older, that number is starting to feel bigger and bigger, and it's to where just, you know, three years ago, they look unrecognizable, and it's just making me panic a little bit. Does that make sense?

0:01:49 - (Justin Tyler): Oh, yeah. It's definitely. It's. I don't know. It's really hard to look back at that and just think, that really didn't feel that long ago. But we have children who are pretty old now, and Facebook just fucking whips it out and slaps you in the face with it.

0:02:08 - (Kandace Tyler): It really hurts my feelings. Between Facebook and then Google memories, like, all the photos that go through. Oh, yeah, the photo albums, and they put those little cheesy songs to them. The emotional songs.

0:02:19 - (Justin Tyler): Oh, the AI powered kind of slideshows that Google will put together.

0:02:23 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah. And I'll just see basically selfies of me and each kid for a decade in a row, and I'm like, okay, I'm old for one and two. How did this happen so fast? And that's such a cliche thing to say because everyone's like, oh, don't blink. Where did the time go? But it's a true thing, you know.

0:02:45 - (Justin Tyler): What'S even worse than looking back on those Facebook memories and seeing all of the posts with the kids over the last decade or so, I feel like.

0:02:53 - (Kandace Tyler): I know what you're gonna say.

0:02:54 - (Justin Tyler): It's looking even further back at the pre kid, pre married kind of like, you know, when you were young and, like, so deep, and you would make, like, just really, like, thoughtful, like, posts.

0:03:07 - (Kandace Tyler): Oh, and they were so bad. And do you ever find yourself looking back at them and just not even knowing what you were talking about?

0:03:15 - (Justin Tyler): Like, yeah, what are you talking. Who is this person? Because it's not me.

0:03:19 - (Kandace Tyler): What was I even doing?

0:03:21 - (Justin Tyler): But you felt like you were, like, just so deep. I feel like our oldest daughter, Evelyn, is starting to get to that point where, like. Cause she has a YouTube channel and she'll post stuff on there, and sometimes her captions or her titles for her videos, she kind of has these kind of what she perceives as deep thought as the title. And I'm just like, oh, I can't wait for you to look back on these one day and just feel like a complete jackass. Like I do anytime I see something that I made in my teens.

0:03:48 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah. And at the same time, though, don't you feel that a young person like that, like we were at one time before all of the joy was squashed out of us? We're all just. It's our creativity just bursting out of us.

0:04:05 - (Justin Tyler): I know.

0:04:05 - (Kandace Tyler): You know what I mean?

0:04:06 - (Justin Tyler): And some people just have so much of it that it. You cannot contain it.

0:04:11 - (Kandace Tyler): Even if it comes out cringy?

0:04:12 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah. Even if it comes out cringey. Like, there's. There's a point in your life where you have less shame and you're not as afraid to put yourself out there and be the person that you, like, think that you are, or at least try to be something. So I can commend that. And younger Justin, who I frequently visit in these old Facebook memory posts that come up. You did okay. And I commend you for being the creative person that you were and being so deep in thought all the time and just having to share that with everybody on Facebook, at least that's better than sharing song lyrics.

0:04:54 - (Kandace Tyler): I did that a lot.

0:04:56 - (Justin Tyler): I mean, I did, too. But nobody cares.

0:05:00 - (Kandace Tyler): No one cares.

0:05:01 - (Justin Tyler): But those were back in the days when you had more friends that were interacting with you on the daily and you felt like people cared.

0:05:07 - (Kandace Tyler): But also, if you only knew me from 2000, I would say even 2012 and before, you don't know me now. So if you're listening to this and you spoke you know, you were friends with me at that point. And before you don't know me, let's. Let's have a cocktail together and get reacquainted, because I'm not that person anymore. Time has. Has changed me completely. So that's one thing. That time is it. It changes you.

0:05:40 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah. You know what? I would. I would actually pay money to be able to go back and see that, you know, before Facebook is like, my MySpace. Like, the bio section on MySpace and, like, your top eight, and you'd have Tom on there just to be, like, cheeky.

0:05:59 - (Kandace Tyler): Everyone had Tom.

0:06:01 - (Justin Tyler): He was everybody's best friend.

0:06:02 - (Kandace Tyler): I also miss that brief moment of changing your zanga song, too. Oh, do you remember Zanga?

0:06:09 - (Justin Tyler): I don't.

0:06:10 - (Kandace Tyler): Oh, you don't remember?

0:06:11 - (Justin Tyler): Unless I'm just spacing on what the hell Zanga is.

0:06:14 - (Kandace Tyler): It was around the same era as my space.

0:06:18 - (Justin Tyler): See, I don't think that that was something that, like, I don't think that. That probably caught on in my, like, school or, like, circle, I guess.

0:06:25 - (Kandace Tyler): It was a big one.

0:06:26 - (Justin Tyler): I don't remember Zanga.

0:06:27 - (Kandace Tyler): It was basically, all of these kids were just coding. Basically, you would create your own zynga profile, and it was like a one pager where you had some photos on there, and it was more of, like, a blog post. You would make blog posts on there.

0:06:46 - (Justin Tyler): Okay.

0:06:46 - (Kandace Tyler): And you could put just effects on there.

0:06:50 - (Justin Tyler): Like, I did that on my MySpace. Like, it would be, like, raining or sparkling.

0:06:54 - (Kandace Tyler): You could do the rain or sparkles and you could.

0:06:56 - (Justin Tyler): How I learned HTML.

0:06:57 - (Kandace Tyler): Same. That's what I'm. That's what I'm saying. We were all, like, creating, and you could just, like, add some photos on the page and add your blog. But, yeah, that's another completely different point in time that, looking back, I'm like, life was so different then.

0:07:13 - (Justin Tyler): Well, either I didn't experience this, or I am now getting so old that my Alzheimer's is kicking in, and I just don't really. I remember Facebook. Before that, it was MySpace. Before that, it was AOL chat and MSN messenger, and you would have those little away statuses that you would set, that would have. Every other letter would be capitalized, and you were just hoping you would leave yourself online. Just hoping that by the time that you got back from doing whatever you were doing, your crush would have been like, hey, you there?

0:07:42 - (Kandace Tyler): Well, that's where you leave the away message, was the prime spot to leave the. Either one, the passive aggressive messages for enemies or someone that you are mad at or some sort of spicy note for a crush, just hoping that they would know it was for them.

0:08:04 - (Justin Tyler): Oh, yeah. What better way, though, to introduce this conversation around time than by throwing ourselves into the deep end and just making us feel like all's fucking old? Oh, gosh. It is really hard to kind of look back and just think of how much life we've lived already and we're getting into. If you consider the average human life, we're getting into the second half, so we're.

0:08:35 - (Kandace Tyler): For sure. I think I've always thought about time a lot, but never as much as before last summer when my grandpa died. And just being around that and just going through all his house and all of his things. He lived in his house for so many decades that going through his things was like a trip back in time.

0:09:01 - (Justin Tyler): Basically, it's a time capsule.

0:09:03 - (Kandace Tyler): It really was a time capsule. And when you see, you would pick up a photo or an artifact that was from so long ago that felt like a different time, but then you see that he would have been, like, my age at that time, and it felt so long ago. Part of that made me feel happy because I felt like I have so much more to live, if that makes sense. And then part of me felt sad because it just all seems so quick.

0:09:40 - (Justin Tyler): And it honestly, like, it gets feeling faster and faster, and we'll get into that here in a little bit. But, yeah, it is kind of hard to kind of, like, kind of go through somebody else's time capsule and just see this kind of, like, what feels like a brief life, honestly, like, we're.

0:10:00 - (Kandace Tyler): Just, like, a very brief blip.

0:10:03 - (Justin Tyler): All we are in the universe.

0:10:03 - (Kandace Tyler): In the universe.

0:10:04 - (Justin Tyler): Dust in the wind we are. You're my boy blue. I think that's the second old school reference we've made on this show in this many weeks. Yeah.

0:10:13 - (Kandace Tyler): Also, I've never seen old school.

0:10:15 - (Justin Tyler): Oh, you haven't? Oh, shit.

0:10:17 - (Kandace Tyler): I'm just, like, giggling along. I have no clue what you're talking about now.

0:10:21 - (Justin Tyler): I'm so, listeners, we have an episode coming up here soon. We're gonna be talking about movies that you couldn't make now, I think, is a topic that we're gonna be covering soon. I might pick that for mine, but I might have to make you watch it first.

0:10:35 - (Kandace Tyler): Okay.

0:10:36 - (Justin Tyler): We'll have a whole day where we just watch, like, old movies. Old. Oh, my God. These are movies that were, like, big when I was a teenager. Yeah, old movies now for us old fuckers. And you couldn't make them like you used to, but, yeah. So you never know what you're going to get into on the couple podcast. One week we might be talking about fairy smut, and the next week we're talking about our deceased relatives and going through their time capsule house and finding all the cool trinkets and things and asbestos.

0:11:03 - (Kandace Tyler): Oh, all the aspects. And mouse nests.

0:11:07 - (Justin Tyler): Oh, yes, yes. Beware of the mouse nests. Yeah, but, yeah. So let's just jump into it. So before we really, like, jump, like, get into this, I am going to read off. I have Merriam Webster's definition of time. So, their definition of time is that time is the measured period during which an action, process, or condition exists. So, in this conversation, condition refers to life. How much time do we have to live?

0:11:40 - (Justin Tyler): We don't know.

0:11:40 - (Kandace Tyler): We don't know.

0:11:41 - (Justin Tyler): And that's like, that's the scary thing is, you know, we could very easily make it into our eighties or nineties because people do that shit a lot more now. I don't know what the quality of life is when you get to that point, but I could also just as easily pass out right after recording this episode and just never wake up again.

0:12:02 - (Kandace Tyler): Please don't.

0:12:02 - (Justin Tyler): I mean, I'm not saying I'm going to, but I'm certain that I'm saying that I could. And so what's more upsetting? Like, you know, talking about, you know, talking about death on this topic, you know, like, what's more upsetting than an older relative? That, like, you kind of prepare yourself. Like, oh. Like, you know, they're getting up in age. Like, I don't have many years is when you experience, you know, somebody passing that was young and didn't really get to experience much of life. And it's just kind of one of those things. Like, you really kind of that puts things into perspective. Like, you shouldn't waste your time.

0:12:38 - (Justin Tyler): And I don't know. Like, I find myself, like, we've been having a lot of these conversations over the last year or so since your grandpa died. I don't know. I don't know why that was such a catalyst for, I think for us kind of just talking about, like, not wanting to waste any more of our time because, I mean, he was in his eighties.

0:12:55 - (Kandace Tyler): It's not like it was a weird thing, because he would have been. He would have been 82, or he had just turned 82.

0:13:05 - (Justin Tyler): He was 82.

0:13:06 - (Kandace Tyler): He had just turned 82. I'm sorry. So to everyone else, they're like, oh, well, he lived a great, long life, but to me, it felt like a tragedy. Like, it was a life cut short because in my mind, he was so lively, and he probably had another 15 years or more.

0:13:23 - (Justin Tyler): We really felt that he had so many years left in him. I mean, up until six months before he passed, the guy was still traveling out of state for work. He was still working. He was doing all these things. He was very, very active, and he ate right. And he was very, like, I don't know, he just had this, like, strict routine around his life that kept him healthy and going.

0:13:46 - (Kandace Tyler): And one thing it did do is put into perspective that you don't know when you're going to pass. So time is. Life is fleeting. I've noticed. I'm more careful with things, like when I talk to my relatives or loved ones, how I leave things with them. I try and always be more thoughtful in my text messages, except for you. I text, like, grocery lists to you and stuff like that. Not too much.

0:14:16 - (Justin Tyler): If you look back at our text.

0:14:17 - (Kandace Tyler): Chat, it'll be like, hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dog. Let the dog out. You know, just weird stuff. But no, like, with my parents. And I'm just, I want to hold on to every moment, and that goes along with time, because now I treasure this time that I have with everybody, and I don't want to take any of it for granted, so.

0:14:42 - (Justin Tyler): And that's. That's kind of like the next thing I wanted to talk about was, like, not only do we not know how long we have, but, um, you know, how. How do we use our time? What? Like, I want to know for you if you, like, say, like, you lived up into your eighties or nineties, and it was like, you ended up, like, living a full life until, you know, your body just starts shutting down. It happens. It's inevitable.

0:15:06 - (Justin Tyler): But at that point, looking back on your life, what would, like if, like, let's say that you felt fulfilled. The couple podcasts were here to fulfill our lives. That's exactly what we're trying to do. But let's say, like, you felt fulfilled. Like, what is it that you would be looking back on and say, like, this is what made me feel fulfilled. This is what I did right with my time.

0:15:26 - (Kandace Tyler): What if I could put myself in the shoes of my 100 year old self? If I'm that lucky, if I could feel completely proud and fulfilled, it will have been that I was there every day and raised my kids first, help them grow into the adults that they'll one day be, continue to be there as a support and a hand whenever they need me. Because for me, I not going to stop when they're adults. Like, I'm always going to be there. I'll just be a call away.

0:16:03 - (Kandace Tyler): I'll be a plane ride away. I'm always going to be willing to want to go visit them. And that's when the next chapter of our lives will begin. When I want to travel with you, I want to see more things. I want to visit our kids. If our kids are living in different places, maybe we'll be lucky enough to be grandparents one day and we can help raise our grandkids to a certain extent, be there as involved grandparents as much as were wanted.

0:16:38 - (Kandace Tyler): Just see everything that weve built that would be very fulfilling to me. Just one day to look around a room on Christmas morning or Christmas Eve and just see this large family that weve built.

0:16:54 - (Justin Tyler): It gets to a point where it's not just the three kids that you've birthed around you, it's their kids, their.

0:17:00 - (Kandace Tyler): Families, and their spouses, their spouses parents, just these big families that join together. And honestly, it sounds cheesy, but I remember at Christmas time, my dad just on Christmas Eve doing that very thing. I mean, he's only in his fifties. I made him a grandparent very young, but he's in his fifties, and he's just sitting in a chair. I'm pretty sure, like, many cocktails in, pretty drunk on Christmas Eve just staring at him.

0:17:33 - (Justin Tyler): He just recently discovered fireball.

0:17:35 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah. He's just staring around the room with just this goofy smile on his face, and we're like, what's wrong? You okay? And he's like, none of these people would be here if it weren't for me. Like, I'm just very proud. And he kept repeating that over and over, like, I'm just proud. Very happy to be here.

0:17:54 - (Justin Tyler): He was saying it was the, the best Christmas he's ever had.

0:17:57 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah. And I was like, oh, is it the best Christmas? But I get it. Like, as silly as that seems, like, I completely get, like, how surreal it must feel to look around a room and think, I literally was responsible for all of this. Like, what a crazy feeling. And you can already feel that a little bit with your own kids, but I can just imagine, like, grandkids, I can't. Spouses, like, just all of this and how different life will look.

0:18:27 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah. I can't wait when our grandkids talk back to me someday and I'm just gonna be like, you owe me your life, little fucker. I'll just put my hand up, like, I'm gonna backhand them. But I know by that time, that'll be illegal.

0:18:38 - (Kandace Tyler): So, yeah, I mean, that's just a no. Like, you'll be kicked out of all family functions.

0:18:45 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah, but we don't invite Grandpa Justin to things.

0:18:48 - (Kandace Tyler): No, we don't invite him. He's a little. No, it does make me think along the same lines. There's a TikTok, like a viral TikTok of an old woman just looking around doing the same thing at, like a Christmas or a birthday. And she goes, everyone's here because I had sex. She's like this very old lady. And it's like, pretty much where it.

0:19:09 - (Justin Tyler): Starts is with penetration. So, people, we gotta stay on topic in some way. So this is what you come for.

0:19:16 - (Kandace Tyler): Yep. Penetration.

0:19:21 - (Justin Tyler): So, yeah, so it sounds like significance of time for you is not just your children, but also kind of just experiencing different things. And I think that it's the same for me. Our kids are very important to me and I think as we get older, I also look forward to kind of seeing what that grows into. I think the thing that sucks about that the most is you. Like, I don't know, maybe you other people prefer, or, like, other people believe in an afterlife and consciousness beyond death and all of those things. I don't know. I don't think I do.

0:19:55 - (Justin Tyler): But it would be cool to be able to look back generations from now and just see, like, hundreds, if not thousands of people who basically came from us.

0:20:07 - (Kandace Tyler): That would be. I mean, my mind couldn't even comprehend that. Like, there's so many branches in that family tree. You would just be like, wait, what? What happened?

0:20:17 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah, I'm curious how many generations it would take. And it's different because, like, it seems like there seems to be different trends of, like, how many kids each generation has. And it fluctuates throughout the years, depending on economic and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I would be interested, on average, how many generations does it take for two people to be responsible for a thousand people?

0:20:39 - (Justin Tyler): Like, 1000 people to come from two? How many generations? Like, that's crazy to think about.

0:20:45 - (Kandace Tyler): I feel like there's probably some sort of statistic out there listener, if you.

0:20:49 - (Justin Tyler): Know, or if you've had time to do the math, like, please send it our way because I probably have not looked into it yet. I will still be curious about this for a while.

0:20:57 - (Kandace Tyler): That is a wild thought.

0:20:58 - (Justin Tyler): I would love to be able to kind of go back or, like, just see that, like, what comes from us even after our lifetime. That'd be a super cool thing. But, yeah, not just kids though, like, I. There's a lot in this world. There's a. This world has a lot to offer, a lot of different experiences, a lot of different things, and I don't want to be the person that has just, you know, like, I. I had my kids, and then that was. That was it. I just settled for the rest of it, and I.

0:21:26 - (Kandace Tyler): So that you're kind of generalizing what I said a little bit.

0:21:30 - (Justin Tyler): Oh, no, I'm not general. Like, I felt like you were. You and I were on the same page.

0:21:34 - (Kandace Tyler): Okay. I'm not saying that, like, I only care about, you know, my kids. I mean, I do. I do. That is the main thing that I.

0:21:43 - (Justin Tyler): Talked about traveling and doing all of these things.

0:21:45 - (Kandace Tyler): I want to travel. I want to adventure. I'd love to think that I could make a difference in certain ways, but, yeah, I think mostly my fulfillment is from just knowing that I've done a good job, that my job has been well done, raising my family and turning the next generations into upstanding citizens, I guess, happy people.

0:22:13 - (Justin Tyler): I hope that at least one of our. I guess not ancestors. What's the opposite side of ancestors? Ancestors is your predecessors.

0:22:22 - (Kandace Tyler): No, that's people that take over you.

0:22:25 - (Justin Tyler): What is the correct term? Like, I hope one of descendants. Descendants. That's what I'm looking for. I hope at least one of our descendants does something just so fucking batshit awesome.

0:22:36 - (Kandace Tyler): I thought you were gonna say, like, crazy. Like, think about people who are related to, like, someone awful.

0:22:43 - (Justin Tyler): Well, that too. I mean, like, something of notoriety.

0:22:46 - (Kandace Tyler): Okay.

0:22:47 - (Justin Tyler): Whether it be good or bad.

0:22:48 - (Kandace Tyler): Okay.

0:22:48 - (Justin Tyler): Like, if they make a Netflix documentary about him still, even though he, you know, hacked up 14 people and then ate them.

0:22:54 - (Kandace Tyler): Oh, my God.

0:22:55 - (Justin Tyler): Then, you know, like, that's still notoriety.

0:22:58 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah.

0:22:58 - (Justin Tyler): People will remember you, and in a way, that's, like, they remember me. All right, well, moving on.

0:23:08 - (Kandace Tyler): Let's. Let's not wish for that. But.

0:23:10 - (Justin Tyler): So, one of the things that we always kind of come back to is when we have these types of conversations, though, is just how time. You know, like, it feels like as you're getting older, time passes you by quicker and quicker and quicker. And it's weird because for, like, our kids, they're so young that it seems like, you know, like, every little. Like, every month seems like it just takes forever. It's a combination of things. Like, first off, like, kids are a little less patient, and they're ready. Like.

0:23:42 - (Justin Tyler): And, like, they can't. Like, they don't have that kind of patience. So, like, for. To tell them they have to wait weeks for something, um, that makes it seem like it's so long. But really, um, I mean, there's a psychological effect that's happening here where, you know, like, because like, we're in our thirties, let's say, you know, uh, one year of our life is, you know, it has only been 3%. Like, for a 30 year old, one year of your life is only 3% of the total life that you dream.

0:24:12 - (Kandace Tyler): Only 3% of your life.

0:24:13 - (Justin Tyler): Whereas for a ten year old, one year of their life is 10% of the life that they've lived. That's a much like a much higher kind of, like, ratio of their life. And it's just, it's weird to think that, like, from that perception, like, it does seem like as you get older and that, that kind of like, that year, that month, that week, that day, it seems like it becomes less and less significant in the grand scheme of your life.

0:24:38 - (Justin Tyler): So for a kid, those things kind of, they feel more significant, more impactful.

0:24:44 - (Kandace Tyler): Well, and also not only do they feel more impactful, to them, they are, because they're still growing mentally and physically. So a month, to them, that is a big deal. There. You know, each month that passes by, they're bigger, they look different. You know what I mean? For us, they're developing. Yeah, they're still developing. So that is a big deal that, you know, them thinking, oh, it's a year from now. To them, that's like a huge part of their life because they can't even imagine what they're even going to look like in a year, what stage of their life they're going to be in for us. All we have to look forward to now is how many more gray hairs are we going to have?

0:25:33 - (Kandace Tyler): How many more crows feet are we going to have? Like, that's really all that's happening physically?

0:25:39 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah, well, physically, emotionally and even, like, the status for life, things don't change as quickly. Like we. I mean, yeah, like, you might get a different job, you might move into a different house, but, like, for the most part, our lives are pretty settled at this point. We've had all of the kids that we're going to have. There will still be major milestones and goals that we set for ourselves that we meet.

0:26:04 - (Justin Tyler): But for the most part, things change much slower. Things happen much slower at this rate. As opposed to, like, think of being 1415 years old and you're flying through, like, every semester at school. Your classes change, your boyfriends or girlfriends change, your after school activities change, the music that you're listening to changes your whole body. Changes your whole body. Yeah.

0:26:32 - (Kandace Tyler): Just everything.

0:26:33 - (Justin Tyler): So there's, it's. It really is like they, kids experience time very, very differently. And so kind of what I, you know, and, like, I don't, like sometimes, so sometimes I will make things that happen that are significant to our kids. My first instinct is to think like, oh, well, that's not a big deal, but that's wrong, because for them it is.

0:27:00 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah. Like a fight with a friend or something.

0:27:04 - (Justin Tyler): In your mind, you're thinking like, well, I had friends when I was that age, too. In the grand scheme of things, I'm not. I don't really, I don't even know those people anymore. I've made different friends. I've lived ten different lives since then. You know, it doesn't seem significant, but for them, it's a big deal. And I think that it's important to remember that, you know, like, they're, they're experiencing this and they're feeling this much different than your perceiving.

0:27:27 - (Kandace Tyler): Right. And it. It's a lot more intense because you're right. We've been through, we've been there, done that, so we can shake things off like that. Like, now if something happens with someone, we can just go, whatever, because we've been there, done that. It's not really going to affect us that much. For them, they're also learning lessons at the same time as going through this. So it's a huge deal. They're, they're learning how to navigate life, learning the nuances of relationships, and they're not having their mommy and daddy hold their hand through every situation anymore. So it's very emotionally a big deal to them. So I don't know. It is important to remember, and it's just weird.

0:28:16 - (Kandace Tyler): It's weird.

0:28:17 - (Justin Tyler): I don't think that. So kind of what I've been trying to do here recently is I almost try to look at the things that I'm experiencing as our kids would. I kind of try to make little things feel more significant, like small victories. Make a big deal out of those things. Yeah. It's not like you didn't get a promotion at work or you didn't get a new house or it's not these big, major milestones that we've been experiencing over the last few years that make these other things feel less significance, but there's still small victories that are significant and can help build that momentum of just feeling like you're doing something and like that your life is still, you know, like, it's still moving and it's still lively and it's still, like, you have a reason for being here.

0:29:10 - (Kandace Tyler): Like, find little ways to feel rewarded, basically, is what you're saying.

0:29:16 - (Justin Tyler): And I mean, not even just that, but, like, also allowing myself, like, hey, like, this. This little thing, like, this upset me. And that's okay. Like, I'm allowed to be upset by this. Like, yeah, it's not like my friend of 30 years didn't just pass away. Like, it's not that level of upsetting, but it's okay to feel upset by, like, a smaller, almost insignificant feeling thing that can happen in your day.

0:29:39 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah.

0:29:40 - (Justin Tyler): Or like, I don't know, on the.

0:29:42 - (Kandace Tyler): Flip side, too, I think it's completely valid to feel any feelings. But one thing that I have been trying to live by lately that I saw someone say one time, don't remember who it was. Is it. So something bad happens. Okay. Is it going to matter in five minutes? Is it going to matter in five days? Is it going to matter in five months? Is it going to matter in five years? So there's this range. Is this going to matter in five minutes?

0:30:16 - (Kandace Tyler): No, it's not. Okay, then don't think about it anymore. It's not worth it. Is this going to matter in five days? Yes. Okay. Well, you know, give it a little more focus, basically helping you gauge how upset to be. Does that make sense?

0:30:33 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah.

0:30:34 - (Kandace Tyler): If it's going to matter and affect your life in five years, you're probably justified to feel pretty bad about it.

0:30:41 - (Justin Tyler): That's the thing. As adults, like, having the experiences that we've had, we can better anticipate that this is going to affect us five years from now. Whereas a kid, something small happens, it feels like this is forever. Like it's going to take your entire life to get over something. Think of bad relationships that you had as a teenager or breakups, like those first couple of breakups that you had.

0:31:05 - (Kandace Tyler): And you feel like it's devastating your life. You're basically dead, is how it feels.

0:31:12 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah. So there's lessons to be learned in both fronts here. You don't want to act. You don't want to be in that teenager kind of headspace of like, oh, woe is me. This is the worst thing ever. My life is over. Like, it's not that, but also on the positive side of how kids experiencing things just kind of learning to slow down and really celebrate those small things that do happen. Because they are. They do matter. They are impactful just because they don't. Again, they don't quite stack up to some of the larger milestones that you've experienced in your life doesn't mean that those small victories don't still happen throughout your life and they're worth celebrating.

0:31:54 - (Justin Tyler): And I think that we're getting to a point where a lot of those larger milestones are over and we don't have a whole lot left. So I think that now more than ever, some of those small victories, like, they are important again.

0:32:05 - (Kandace Tyler): That's true. Yeah. So we're kind of slowly starting to go backwards. So we've built up our whole life getting bigger and bigger milestones, and now it's like, we can start to celebrate. Like, oh, I went to the gym this week. Good job, me. I did so good. So, is that, like, my life now? I guess, or, like, oh, I did my laundry, and I put it away. No, you didn't.

0:32:32 - (Justin Tyler): You didn't put it away. Don't lie.

0:32:35 - (Kandace Tyler): No, I put away some of it.

0:32:37 - (Justin Tyler): I've had the same basket sitting next to our bed for, like, two weeks, I think, and I've just been pulling out of that basket.

0:32:42 - (Kandace Tyler): But basically. Are you saying that's what we have to look forward to? Just those small, little, like, oh, I'm.

0:32:48 - (Justin Tyler): Not talking about, like. And those things help. Like, so there's different levels of these kind of small, smaller victories. So, yeah, I mean, doing your laundry or some kind of, like, daily routine task like that, that can be something that, you know, makes you feel like, okay, I've accomplished something today, and that can have a snowball effect into accomplishing more, being more productive throughout your day, but also even just kind of smaller victories. Like, you know, I made it through the week, and I didn't.

0:33:20 - (Kandace Tyler): I didn't have a minty bee this week.

0:33:24 - (Justin Tyler): Exactly. Like, that's. That's a. That's a big victory, and I don't always have those every week.

0:33:28 - (Kandace Tyler): Oh, shit. I did have a mentibee this week. I can't even give myself that gold medal.

0:33:33 - (Justin Tyler): But there's different. Like, there's different levels of things, and I think just being able to identify the appropriate kind of celebration for these small victories and just. I don't know, just. It's not insignificant. It is still significant. It's just a matter of how you look at it. So, yeah, I just wanted to kind of. I just wanted to hit on that a little bit. Basically, what I was getting to, though, was, like, I've been trying to kind of, like, just think of things, like how our kids would think of them, and, like, you know, like, play up things a little bit more.

0:34:01 - (Justin Tyler): And I also think there's just a lot to learn from kids, not only in their perception of time, but also kind of just living in the moment. Kids do this better than anybody.

0:34:11 - (Kandace Tyler): Like their childlike wonder.

0:34:13 - (Justin Tyler): Yes. And that's something that I feel like you kind of just lose it a little bit over time. And I've always kind of prided myself on having some kind of, like, some form of that childlike wonder and creativity and curiosity, but it still kind of fades away a little bit over time. And I think that having kids is one of those things that's kind of helped me hold on to that. And I'm a little sad. Like, they're getting older, and I'm scared, actually, that as they get older and they don't really have that same spark anymore, that I will start to lose that.

0:34:48 - (Kandace Tyler): I visualize as I get older. I can feel myself losing sometimes that childlike wonder, and I attribute that to stress, like adult stress. I think it's hard to be able to have the capacity to have that childlike wonder after years of just harboring a lot of responsibility and stress, because that's what your mind is focused on. And I also envision that it's like pieces of my soul crumbling away. I can just picture it crumbling into the air and floating away. And that's why I'm not as carefree as I used to be as a kid.

0:35:29 - (Justin Tyler): So what you're saying is, over time, you are essentially your voldemort, and you have these horror cruxes that you split your soul into, and those just tend to make you less and less of yourself. More of them.

0:35:42 - (Kandace Tyler): Oh, my gosh. That is a great way of putting it. I love that Harry Potter reference, but, yeah, that's how it feels sometimes. And you know who you really are on the inside, and it's closer to that childlike version of yourself. At least that's how I feel. When I look at myself, I feel like my true, deep down, nature is the childlike version, the creative one, the just kind person who's patient, who loves animals, who loves outdoors, all the very innocent, fun things.

0:36:16 - (Justin Tyler): That is literally the foundation of what your entire personality and being is built on. That is at your core. That is your foundation. That's who you were. That's what all of this is like. It's stacked on top of that. So I get where, like, that's, like, you know, like, that is your, like, your inner self.

0:36:34 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah. And it just gets hidden by years of all of the stress, adult bullshit. Yeah, everything. That just doesn't matter. When it comes down to it, there's so much that we take on that just doesn't matter.

0:36:51 - (Justin Tyler): And I. That's one thing that I. I love. I love about being a parent, too, is like, there are times where you get stressed out about work, you get stressed out about bills, you get stressed out about just all the anxieties and shit that you're feeling. But then you kind of, like, you'll have a moment with your kids where they just kind of have this kind of, like, simple kind of interaction or something happens and you kind of get lost in that with them and all of that shit. Like, you forget about it.

0:37:21 - (Justin Tyler): Good example. Tonight we were sitting out for a little bit before we podcasted just outside in our front yard and playing with the kids, and a couple of them were kind of practicing and playing soccer. Eventually that led to Kandace getting out there and teaching them how to leapfrog, which led to eventually milo jumping over Kandace's head and then immediately squatting in front of her and farting in her face.

0:37:47 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah, that was so fun. Like, I love getting lost in those little. I don't like getting gassed on, but, like, that was disgusting. Yeah, I don't. I do not like a fart to the face, but I love those little moments where you can be childlike and just forget just the shitty time you had at work that day or just all the stress on your shoulders and just pretend to be a frog for a minute. Because for whatever reason, your kids don't know how to play leapfrog and you're teaching them for the.

0:38:17 - (Justin Tyler): We've kind of failed them a little bit, so we should probably make more of an effort there. But I'm looking forward to, like, they're. They're about to. They have only a couple of days left of school, summer breaks coming up, and you, you see, like, as the weeks go by during summer break, more and more of their stress and worry about school and just all of those hardships, they just start to go away.

0:38:37 - (Kandace Tyler): It's melting away. And.

0:38:38 - (Justin Tyler): And you get to kind of, like, live vicariously, like, through that.

0:38:42 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah, it's. I'm so excited for them. I am living through them. And that's honestly, summer break is one of my examples of how time used to be so slow as a kid. I don't know if you experienced the same thing, but when I was a kid, I mean, summer break, when you were off, it felt like it was forever. Yeah, that was a lifetime. Like, and you were, I would be sobbing on the last day of school because I knew I wouldn't be seeing some of these people for a freaking lifetime.

0:39:18 - (Kandace Tyler): And really, now you come back, and.

0:39:19 - (Justin Tyler): You'Re like a different person at the.

0:39:21 - (Kandace Tyler): End of summer break, everyone looks different. Everyone's bigger. They're taller.

0:39:26 - (Justin Tyler): Everyone got to experience different things over the summer.

0:39:28 - (Kandace Tyler): They have new teeth. They went places. Yeah. It's just a wild time to be a kid. Everything changes. You have all new friends all of a sudden, but now it's kind of sad because.

0:39:43 - (Justin Tyler): Did you imagine reinventing yourself over the course of three months? Not even three months.

0:39:47 - (Kandace Tyler): I mean, no.

0:39:49 - (Justin Tyler): Having just a completely different life and outlook.

0:39:52 - (Kandace Tyler): I feel like now I go easily. I mean, months and months without seeing some of my friends. And when I do see them, we're pretty much the same. And the conversation pretty much goes, so, how have you been? Oh, you know, kids, school. How have you been? Oh, you know, work. And then it's done, and then we're caught. Like, we're completely the same.

0:40:19 - (Justin Tyler): It's like you need to listen to the first episode of our podcast. Well, not the first episode, but the first episode back four episodes ago, about advancing that small talk into deeper, meaningful conversation.

0:40:30 - (Kandace Tyler): Even with people I know really well, it's like we catch up really quick, and we're like, oh, yeah, work, kids. You know, it's always like the same thing, even. Even if it's been a year since I've seen them. So it's like, things just. They progress, like you said, just, like, way slower now. And I have a friend who I think I've talked about before. She lives in Colorado. We grew up together, spending every summer together.

0:40:56 - (Kandace Tyler): And, I mean, we were never apart. I can just picture those summers. They lasted forever. We grew so much. We changed so much. We were always in a different stage. And now sometimes, you know, we usually see each other about once a year, maybe if we're lucky now. And, yeah, we're pretty much the same. We spend five minutes just like, how have you been? Oh, you know, I'm good. And you know how work is. And, yeah, you know how the kids are. And then she'll be like, oh, the kids are so big. And I'm like, I know.

0:41:30 - (Kandace Tyler): I miss you. I miss you.

0:41:32 - (Justin Tyler): I miss you.

0:41:34 - (Kandace Tyler): And then I compliment, like, oh, you got a haircut. It looks awesome. And then. But, like, deep down, we're the same. So, yeah, I don't know. It's. Things aren't how they used to be, but, yeah, summer. Now it just flies. By, like, it's. It's nothing now, so we need to.

0:41:52 - (Justin Tyler): Slow it down then. And I think that that's part of kind of what I want to try to do with the kids. I mean, yeah, we still have work. We still have, like, you know, we're still, like, looking forward to that next paycheck or that next. Like, you know, like, whatever. But I want to take smaller moments with our kids this summer to kind of just be present with them and kind of just experience these individual days as kind of their own things. Like, there's going to be ups and downs in each of these days, but they, at the end of it, they are their own experience. They are their own day. I don't want everything to kind of just blend together with them. And I'm still going to struggle with that from time to time. There's still going to be days where it just feels like we've done the same thing three days in a row. It happens.

0:42:39 - (Kandace Tyler): That's also some of the beauty of summer, too, though, just being able to.

0:42:43 - (Justin Tyler): I get that, but I also want to treat each day like it's new, though.

0:42:50 - (Kandace Tyler): I think that's a great goal going into the summer to try and slow things down. Maybe you have a great vacation coming up that you want to wish away the summer for. Like, oh, I can't wait to go to.

0:43:04 - (Justin Tyler): That vacation will still come.

0:43:05 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah, it'll still.

0:43:06 - (Justin Tyler): But in the meantime, you've got, like, a month and a half to two months before you even get to that vacation. Like, make the most out of that time. And I'm not saying that you have to be going out and spending a bunch of money and doing all these things and, like, just extravagant, like, whatever. And, like, getting ice cream every night. Like, I'm not saying that. I'm saying, like, go out in the front yard and leapfrog with your kids and then fart in their face.

0:43:28 - (Kandace Tyler): Speaking of. Speaking of frogs, actually, earlier, when we were kind of, you know, prepping for this episode a little bit, I was trying to think of small goals to slow down time for me this summer, and one of them was actually take the kids out at nighttime at least once and try and catch frogs. That's what I used to do that all the time. Like, go somewhere where we know that there will be more frogs than other places and just do more childlike activities like that. Like, when's the last time you went outside and spent time just catching frogs?

0:44:04 - (Justin Tyler): I mean, I wasn't catching frogs, but we. We talked about a couple episodes ago we talked about, like, our date night, where we were just kind of taking a nice night stroll and listening to the frogs, the witchy frogs. The witchy frogs. Hey, you. But that was kind of. That's kind of what I'm getting to is, like, I think the reason that, that that date was so impactful on us and it meant so much to us was because we had kind of managed to slow our life down a little bit and live in that moment, and it meant something.

0:44:34 - (Justin Tyler): And I'm chasing that, I think, is essentially what I'm getting to. You know, like, you know, I talk about this summer being an opportunity to do that, but we all, collectively, the human race, just recently experienced an instance that halted all of our lives and really slowed things down and had a huge impact on us. You know, it's. It's 2024 right now as we're recording. But just four years ago, the world shut down for the pandemic.

0:45:05 - (Justin Tyler): And, you know, we were all working from home. Our kids were all home every single day. Even when they were at doing schoolwork, we couldn't really go to a lot of places. Like, I, maybe once every two weeks, went out to the grocery store and was very cautious doing that. But for the most part time, we were. We were all together and just kind of trying to figure out ways to get by. And, like, I think that we did a lot of different things that we had never done before because we were kind of forced to get creative and get through that. And I'm not saying that I want another pandemic to happen, but I.

0:45:41 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah.

0:45:42 - (Kandace Tyler): I mean, we were a little more fortunate than a lot of other people where, I know many people lost their jobs and had a lot of hardships and got sick and died and lost family members, all of that. I'm not downplaying any of that.

0:45:58 - (Justin Tyler): No, not at all.

0:46:00 - (Kandace Tyler): I know it's silly to say, but despite all of that, that was one of the best times in my life, looking back, because our kids were so.

0:46:12 - (Justin Tyler): Little and we got this unique opportunity to be able to spend that time with them. Most parents don't get that with their kids.

0:46:19 - (Kandace Tyler): Well, not only that, but for us, I feel like that was the first time that you started really working remotely. And we, up until then, you know, you would go to work every day, which was fine. We were used to that. But I know it was a great joy for you and for us that you got to be home a lot. And, yeah, you still had to work, but you had a lot more free time with us and I would hate to see what things would have been like if you didn't get that time with them when they were little like that.

0:46:56 - (Justin Tyler): I feel like. And maybe it would be ignorance, like, if the pandemic hadn't happened and I'd never experienced that, maybe I would be, you know, like, none the wiser. I don't know. But I think looking back, if I hadn't gotten that time, like, I would. That would be very sad, actually. Like, not having gotten that opportunity because, like, not to, like, not to throw out, like, gender roles and everything, but at the time, like, we, we were in a situation where, like, I was the one that worked full time and I was going to work, and our kids were so small. I was. I felt like I was missing out on so much, and I just, I got this unique opportunity to be home with them more.

0:47:34 - (Justin Tyler): And Milo especially, like, he was so little still. I got to see him budding personality and him learning all these things. So that was a really great opportunity. But I kind of want to. How do I get, I guess, artificially get our life slow things down back to something kind of like that where we get our kids off their devices a little bit more. We get off of our devices a little bit more, and we start to just do things like catching frogs and farting in each other's faces that, you know, like we, we've never done before.

0:48:12 - (Kandace Tyler): We're catching frogs, being frogs, farting on frogs. I don't know what the frog theme is, but, yeah, just slowing time down and doing little things like that, it's. I think that's a good goal for the summer and to help us appreciate the time passing.

0:48:33 - (Justin Tyler): Oh, and you say the word appreciate, and that's a, that's a good segue into this next kind of topic, but just appreciating where we're at and really kind of just living in the now in the moment as opposed to constantly looking for the next thing. So we talked a little bit about maybe you have that vacation at the end of the summer that you're wishing away your weeks to get to that vacation, but then your entire summer is gone, and that vacation comes and goes, and then you're just back into everything, and you haven't really gotten a chance to just really let your mind kind of be calm or at peace with everything. And I really want to just appreciate.

0:49:16 - (Kandace Tyler): Each day that kind of goes with where you're at in your life, too. I'm really guilty of wishing for the next stage of my life. Or maybe there's a goal that I have that I'm trying to work towards. So I'm like, oh, come on. If the time could just pass so that I could get to this point where maybe it could be anything further along in my career, or I can't wait until, I don't know, just any little thing, any little personal goal.

0:49:49 - (Kandace Tyler): I'm really guilty of wishing away the time so that I can be there, but if I wish it away, I feel like it'll just pass by so quickly because my mind will be so focused on that goal that I'll lose parts of my life that I could have been just enjoying, like you said.

0:50:09 - (Justin Tyler): I mean, on the flip side of that. So there's the, you know, like, the focusing on what's to come in the future, but there's also focusing too much on the past. Like, that's a two way door. And I think they can both be like, you know, it's good to kind of learn from the past, and it's good to look to the future, and it's good to kind of think about the past and have those memories and be happy with that.

0:50:35 - (Justin Tyler): But there's also, like, you can kind of get lost in those moments, and it's just as powerful as the future as far as taking you out of. Out of the moment that you're in right now. I'm not in any way. Am I not saying that you should only focus on the future? That would be very irresponsible, especially as adults who have three kids, for us to only think about the now. But I think it kind of goes back to just being in that moment a little bit.

0:51:02 - (Justin Tyler): I know sometimes I can feel like maybe in the past I've not been. I don't know, maybe. I don't know if this is true, but in my mind, sometimes I can look back at things and think, I haven't been the best dad or I haven't been the most present dad. And there's no use in kind of dwelling on things that you've already messed up. Just do better.

0:51:23 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah, do better now and in the future. But it's a hard line to. To walk across to, you know, balance being in the present, but also being motivated enough to move your life forward because you. You know, there are goals that I have and that we have. So I do like to glance at the future. You know, like, I'm trying. I'm trying to glance and not throw myself into it. I feel like I've done a better job this year of trying to just.

0:51:56 - (Kandace Tyler): Maybe I've done a better, I don't know. I'm thinking about doing a better job of just being more present in the now.

0:52:03 - (Justin Tyler): So setting goals, it's important, I think, that you should have milestones, but as we already kind of hit on those milestones can be small daily things. And one thing that I used to do a lot that I'm considering starting again just because I miss it from a creativity standpoint, but journaling daily and kind of writing down things that happen in that day, thoughts that I have, things that I accomplished, things that I wish that I would have accomplished because that does propel you into the next day so that you're motivated to get those things done. Maybe later.

0:52:37 - (Justin Tyler): But it is one of those things that really does makes your days feel unique and like you're accomplishing something. And especially when you go back and read through those journals, theres a very distinct feeling from that day, a very distinct experience that youve gotten from that day and not everything. It kind of pushes you to look for those moments in each of those days. And I think I might try to come back to that because I do miss journaling.

0:53:05 - (Justin Tyler): And I think that some of the best creative work that ive ever done has come from times where I was very heavily journaling.

0:53:11 - (Kandace Tyler): That's a great idea. I really like that idea. Just don't read your entries pre 2008 and you'll be fine.

0:53:20 - (Justin Tyler): Especially not the ones that you've posted on Facebook. And my spice, my spice, my spice, my spice. But yeah, so, I mean, another thing that I want to do, we talk a lot, like just for shits and giggles, we talk a lot about moving and buying a new house and wanting to have land and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I kind of want to just be a little bit more focused on just being happy with where I'm at. And it's not even just the house, it's where I'm at in my job, where I'm at with my friendships and relationships and where we're at with our kids and just all the things, just being content with those pieces of our lives and making the most out of those and building on that foundation as opposed to just wishing away, like, oh, like, can't wait until six months from now and we can afford to, like, go on, like either go on this trip or buy a new house or do this thing or whatever that next milestone thing is. Like, don't chase.

0:54:25 - (Justin Tyler): We talked about, like, the change doesn't happen as much at this point in our life. We shouldn't be chasing that all the time. Because, like, because those are bigger, bigger things that happen. It can takes time and it takes away from your life when you're chasing it and, like, not living in the in between.

0:54:41 - (Kandace Tyler): So that actually brings me to a question I have for you.

0:54:46 - (Justin Tyler): Okay.

0:54:46 - (Kandace Tyler): I find that for the most part, not always, we tend to be the younger parents at most of the. In the community of kids that are our kids age, if that makes any sense.

0:55:03 - (Justin Tyler): I think you're saying, like, we're younger than, like, typical. Like, our parenting peers.

0:55:08 - (Kandace Tyler): Our parenting peers. So the. The kids parents, the kids that are the same ages as our kids at.

0:55:15 - (Justin Tyler): The school, their parents are typically older.

0:55:16 - (Kandace Tyler): Their parents are usually at least ten years older. Not always. Again, there's young parents, there's even older, you know, whatever. But for the most part, especially with our oldest, they're usually older. I find myself comparing myself a lot to them and all the things that they have or that they can do, and I really will wallow on that sometimes, like, feel like, maybe less than those people and, like, why am I, like, what do these people do for work? Or, you know, just, like, ask myself, like, why are they, like, doing this? Well. And, like, you know, I'm not even saying we're doing bad. I just. I compare our situations to other people's situations, which is pretty normal. I think a lot of people do that.

0:56:07 - (Kandace Tyler): But then I remember, okay, they have a decade on us, and that does something. You know, time does something. Do you ever find yourself doing that, or do you feel like you recognize that already? Like, do you feel. I don't know if jealous is the word, but do you feel, I guess for lack of a better word, like, jealous or envious of other people that are older than us with kids our age that have what we don't?

0:56:37 - (Justin Tyler): It can be hard because you do. See, I mostly. I think sometimes I feel bad because maybe our kids don't have all of the things that some of their friends might have who, you know, like, their parents are a little bit more established further along in life, maybe a little older, and has, like, everything kind of figured out a little bit more. So there can be instances where, like, it might seem like they have more than we do.

0:57:03 - (Justin Tyler): And it's not so much that I, like, I'm. I'm good with where we're at. Like, I. Yeah, obviously. Like, I'm always looking to improve and do better, but I'm happy with where we're at and especially looking at, like, how things could have been had we not taken certain steps in our lives. And I feel very fortunate because there are a lot of, you know, a lot of people that are our age who, they don't have a house, they don't have a family yet, and, like, they're still trying to get things figured out. And we are, like, we are very fortunate in that sense.

0:57:35 - (Justin Tyler): And, I mean, I'm not saying that that's, like, everybody's goals and what everybody's looking for, but, like, it's. You kind of have to look both ways. Yeah. It's easy to kind of look at other people and, like, oh, like, this family. Like, they're able to take their entire family on, like, five vacations to lavish places over the summer, and we're sitting here trying to figure out, like, all right, well, what's the one trip that we're gonna do at the end of the summer? Like, it's that I can struggle with that sometimes.

0:58:04 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah.

0:58:04 - (Justin Tyler): Like, I can struggle with that sometimes. But you're right. Like, we're. We're still young, and we're going to get to a point where those things become a little easier. And I think over time, you also get better at kind of planning ahead for things like that and budgeting for things like that and all of those boring adult things that come with just experience. But, yeah, comparison syndrome. That's a real thing.

0:58:29 - (Justin Tyler): I think we might have a full podcast dedicated to that very topic in the near future. Kind of just comparison syndrome through social media and all of those things, and also feeling like imposter syndrome in the workplace. And, I don't know, we might hit on that later. But, yeah, it is something that I struggle with quite a bit, and I know that you do as well. And I think that's another thing where our kids aren't really thinking that way. I think that they're just really wanting us to spend that time with them and do those things with them and slow down with them, be on their level, essentially do the things with them that make them happy and put in that effort.

0:59:12 - (Kandace Tyler): And you're right. Yeah. It's just sometimes it is hard to not wish for the things that you wish you could just have now. But, you know, it takes time and experience to get to certain places, and I guess it's just hard to be around people who are supposed to be your peers but are often a lot older, I think, and they have a lot more experience, so I guess it's just something to look forward to.

0:59:39 - (Justin Tyler): It's not always. It's not always, like, again, even with our kids, it's not always about setting these larger milestones or events or anything with them. Sometimes being present and in the moment with our kids is something as simple as the routines that we have, daily things that we do that a lot of other parents, honestly, I don't see them doing as much. We eat dinner together as a family at the table.

1:00:04 - (Justin Tyler): We do this every single night. And I think that's really important because, like, that's time that we've spent with them daily where we get to, like, for 20 to 30 minutes, however long we end up sitting there, like, that's time. That is, like, that is just ours. That's not. There's no distractions there. We're able to talk about our days, and that's it always, like, throws me off when one of our kids will have a friend that comes over to stay the night, and I feel like they're, like, they're not used to that concept. And I don't know, like, if it's a bad thing or a good thing, but they always seem to kind of like, oh, this is different.

1:00:42 - (Justin Tyler): And I wish that more people did that with their kids, like, sat down to dinner each night. Like, that's always been really important for us. Also, like, I. As they're getting a little bit older, I feel like I'm starting to lean off of it a little bit. But, like, their bedtime routines, just making sure that we're spending that little bit of time with them each night before they fall asleep, talking with them kind of more one on one.

1:01:09 - (Justin Tyler): If something's bothering them, that's usually when we find out what that was. I still tell ridiculous bedtime stories most nights to our kids that I'm usually just making up on the spot. And half of them involve farting.

1:01:26 - (Kandace Tyler): Well, I mean, those are the things that, years to come, they'll remember the most.

1:01:31 - (Justin Tyler): I hope so. And I think that. So kind of just going back to, you know, toward the beginning of this conversation, like, at the end of my life, if I look back and I feel like I've accomplished that with our kids throughout their development and growing up, and it might evolve as they become teenagers, like, that might start to look different. It might mean that we're getting more involved with activities that they're involved with.

1:01:59 - (Justin Tyler): That might mean that we're getting more involved with hobbies or interests that they have. Maybe not to a cringe level, because I'm sure that they'd be like, oh, gross, stay away. But if I have made an active effort to be a part of their lives, no, matter what stage of their life that they're in. And I'm showing. I'm not just, like, brushing it off. Like, oh, well, these are kid problems, or these are teenager problems. Like, this is. This doesn't mean anything, because it does. It means a lot to them.

1:02:29 - (Justin Tyler): And I think that being present in those moments is the most impactful thing that we can do as parents.

1:02:35 - (Kandace Tyler): Yeah. I think that is what I want to feel when I'm the 10 zero year old lady, is that I did it, that I was there for all of those little things. And on my 101st birthday, I will use my time travel machine, because I feel like by then we'll have one, and then we can go back and just start over. Right?

1:02:57 - (Justin Tyler): Yeah. Well, I mean, you can't really go back and start over because you're still old as fuck. So maybe we can hope for reincarnation. Okay, I'll be a turtle or frog.

1:03:09 - (Kandace Tyler): I was gonna be a turtle.

1:03:11 - (Justin Tyler): I was gonna be a frog. Okay, I'll be a turtle. We'll be some kind of amphibious creature that lurks in the water.

1:03:19 - (Kandace Tyler): That's all I'm asking for, man.

1:03:21 - (Justin Tyler): Please.

1:03:22 - (Kandace Tyler): In my next life.

1:03:23 - (Justin Tyler): I don't know that I'm looking for that simple.

1:03:25 - (Kandace Tyler): Honestly, after the life I've had so far, please, God, in my next life, can I just be a turtle or a fucking frog?

1:03:33 - (Justin Tyler): You still have to worry about kind of just trying to cross those streets at night. And the game frogger is literally based on this exact concept, but, yeah. So I think that's what we're gonna do, though, is we're gonna practice slowing down, gonna practice being more in the moment. And I think this summer is the perfect time to be doing that with our kids and in other ways, too, like, taking time to your. It's not just about the kids. I know we talked about that a lot, because that's one thing that we're kind of, like, struggling with, I think, right now.

1:04:01 - (Justin Tyler): But even just taking time to yourself, go for a. Like, practice mindfulness. Go out for a walk.

1:04:08 - (Kandace Tyler): Go on a hot girl walk.

1:04:10 - (Justin Tyler): Go out on a hot girl walk. Listen to your fairy smut. Like, take time for yourself to practice just well being and mindfulness, and I think you'll be good. Live in the moment. So that's what we're gonna be practicing. I don't know. Do you got anything else?

1:04:27 - (Kandace Tyler): I was just singing time after time in my head.

1:04:32 - (Justin Tyler): Okay. I was gonna follow up, but then I chickened out. Nobody wants to hear that.

1:04:40 - (Kandace Tyler): Ain't nobody got time for that.

1:04:42 - (Justin Tyler): Nobody got time for that.

1:04:43 - (Kandace Tyler): Just all the time puns.

1:04:46 - (Justin Tyler): Well, I think that that's probably a good point to kind of stop this conversation. Time will keep going on. Maybe we'll have updates later on. Oh, speaking of updates, I did want to say we had kind of. We've been kind of giving ourselves these little homework assignments at the end of each of these episodes, especially on ones that are more life centered and not just talking about Fairy Dick.

1:05:08 - (Kandace Tyler): How we can improve upon our, like, horrible socialization skills and personalities, basically, yeah.

1:05:16 - (Justin Tyler): So we've been trying to make more of an active effort talking to people and having deeper conversations than just like, hey, how's the weather? So we had gave. We'd given an example in that episode from a few episodes back when we were talking about socialization. We'd given an example of somebody who we were trying to make a connection about music with, but the conversation just wasn't going anywhere.

1:05:41 - (Justin Tyler): We have since had a much deeper, longer conversation with this person. We talked about Las Vegas. We talked about hookers. No, no, it was strippers.

1:05:49 - (Kandace Tyler): Sorry, strippers.

1:05:50 - (Justin Tyler): It was strippers. We did not talk about hookers. But it was just like the conversation took a weird left turn, and it never would have happened if we had not dug deeper.

1:05:59 - (Kandace Tyler): That's very true. I'm proud of us. We went way out of our comfort zone, and we're gonna be. I feel like I've made a lot more connections the past couple of weeks since that. Just trying to be mindful to listen more to people and, like, get to know people better. My conversation skills have gotten a little better just from being more aware, just from talking about it. So it's been great.

1:06:24 - (Justin Tyler): We're out there, we're socializing, we're making friends.

1:06:26 - (Kandace Tyler): Crushing it.

1:06:27 - (Justin Tyler): Crushing it. Well, this has been the couple podcast. I am one of your hosts, Justin Tyler.

1:06:33 - (Kandace Tyler): I am the other host, Kandace Tyler.

1:06:36 - (Justin Tyler): And I don't know, we've got our instagrams and link trees and all that bullshit in the show notes. Fuck off.

1:06:43 - (Kandace Tyler): What?

1:06:44 - (Justin Tyler): Bye.

1:06:45 - (Kandace Tyler): Don't tell our listeners to fuck off.

1:06:47 - (Justin Tyler): Oh, wait, wait, wait.

1:06:47 - (Kandace Tyler): Oh, yeah, you're right.

1:06:48 - (Justin Tyler): You're right. Like, don't fuck off. No, fuck on. Is that the right. I still don't think that's right. Well, go for a mindful walk and listen to fairy Smut. And if you see your neighbor, maybe get into a deeper conversation with them.

1:07:03 - (Kandace Tyler): Okay, bye.